remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
