Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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