So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
