yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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