he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
