at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
this is an emotional support booty call
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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