a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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