Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
