I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
