I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
