Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
