Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
