waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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