I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
