Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i came on her dog
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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