I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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