If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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