ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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