fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
