can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the day after is always just damage control
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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