Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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