Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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