you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
