So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Terrible idea I love it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
