Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
