I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
