I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
