Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pants are for mortals
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
