Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
