real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
