I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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