I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
