he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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