But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
