yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
