sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
