I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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