wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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