Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
