i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
