i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
