I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
