You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
