T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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