Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
