508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
