Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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