hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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