Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
