I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
