she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
