I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
