its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
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