btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
