I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
