you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
