I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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