i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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