I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
